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READERS' CORNER - NGOs and St Patrick´s.

 


This was sent to us as a response to the 'Men vs. Women' jokes in RAAI! Nº3. If offended, please write!
His & Hers instructions for the drive in* Cash Machine

     


ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A JOB?
Contact RAAI! at the usual address if you are interested in one of the following jobs

 
HIS:
1. Pu!t up* to cash machine
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN*
4. Take cash, card and receipt
5. Drive away
HERS:
1. Pull up to cash machine
2. Reverse and go forward to 'get closer
3. Turn off engine
4. Put keys in wallet
5. Get out of car because you're
too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in wallet
7.Insert card
8. Look in wallet for shopping
receipt with PIN written on it
9. Enter PIN
10. Study instructions.
11. Press "cancel
1 2. Re-enter correct PIN
13. Check balance
14. Study instructions
15. Make cash withdrawal*
16. Get in car
17. Check makeup
18. Look for keys
19. Start car
20. Check makeup
21. Start driving
22. Stop
23. Reverse back to machine
24. Get out of car
25. Take card and receipt
26. Get back in car
27. Put card in wallet
28. Check makeup
29. Put car in reverse
30. Put car in first gear
31. Drive away from machine
32. Drive 3 miles
33. Release hand brake.- (E)  
 
Inexperienced timewaster*
wanted - urgent contract.
Candidates (under 21 years of age) must be able to fill out at least six pages of a C.V. with claims of experience and knowledge totalling a minimum of 150 years. In addition, they must also be able to claim involvement with hobbies which nobody in their right mind could possibly fit into a lifcstylc which included, for example, sleeping or eating. The successful applicant will have no real skills in any category whatsoever, but candidates will be considered providing they do not know anything about C++ programming or Project Management.
Liar (6 month contract)
You will be working for a prestigious, high-profile company. You must be able to claim a degree with first-class honours, preferably from Oxford or Cambridge, and own a car which (although impressive) does not actually exist. You will also be required to make up stories or explanations spontaneously, so experience of police work will be considered favourably. Ties and/or certificates are provided to add convincing "colour" to the successful applicant's statements.
Experienced timewasters.
Six timewasters are required for an urgent contract in Jundiz, to start immediately. Skills must include six months coffee machine, three months photocopying and general administration and a minimum of one year "between assignments".
Scapegoat.* (One month contract with bonus on completion)
Conscientious and hardworking individual. Experienced in customer support and maintenance, you will have several demonstrable skills which can be used to show why the interviewers were right to employ you, together with no sense of covering your back*. You will work with a close-knit* team of temporary contractors and will travel from project to project with the job of tidying up the loose ends to ensure customer acceptance and satisfaction. (F)

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