AMERICAN BEAUTY - Annette Benning, Kevin Spacey
This year's big favourite for the Oscars is a funny yet moving film that studies the problems of day to day life in a typical American suburb. The myth of the 'American dream' is analysed in a movie that holds no punches*. Great performances from the two leading actors help young director Sam Mendes create this century's first great film.
TOY STORY 2 - Buzz Lightyear, Woody The second film in the Toy Story saga proves that a sequel can improve on the first (not generally the case). Woody has to rescue Buzz and is helped not only by his friends from the previous movie but also by new characters that make this second installment even more hilarious than the first. Tom Hanks and Tim Alien provide the voices of our heroes.
CARRETERA Y MANTA Carmen Maura, Eduardu Noriega This film sees Carmen Maura kidnap* Eduardo Noriega. Maura plays Concha, a chef, who wants to set up her own restaurant in Rio de Janeiro. Her husband is in prison for forgery but during a weekend in which he is allowed to visit home she persuades him to go with her and the adventure begins. (I)
STIGMATA Gabriel Byrne, Patricia Arquette Frankie Page's life as a hairdresser is ruined when she is suddenly taken over by a powerful force. Strange things begin to happen to her and paranormal attacks make her bleed* from the head, hands and feet. A priest tries to help her and comes to the conclusion that she has been possessed by the devil.
Once there was a man who was proud of having all of
the latest gadgets* for his car. One day a young man pulled up alongside his
car in an old, dirty VW and waved a sheet of fax paper, yelling, "Look what
Not to be outdone, the man had a fax installed in his car that very afternoon. The next time he saw the VW, it was parked and the windows seemed to be steamed up*. The man knocked on a window and when the young man appeared, waved a sheet of fax paper" at him and said, "I've got one too."
At which the young man gave him a disdainful look and said, "You got me out of the shower just to tell me that?"
At church the teacher of youngsters* was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus really occurred. He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his "He's in heaven."
Mary was asked "and responded, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, shouted out, "I know! He's in our bathroom!!!" The whole class went very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss* for a few very long seconds. Finally, he asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells. "Good Lord, are you still in there?!"
| A man hasn't been feeling well, so he
goes to his doctor for a complete checkup, afterward the doctor comes out with
"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left.".
"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?"
"Ten," the doctor says sadly.
"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?"
"A friend of mine asked me what was the difference between ignorance and indifference. I told him 'I don't know and I don't care."
"After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same question'. "When you are in your coffin*, and friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in the children of tomorrow."
The last guy thinks a minute and replies, "I guess I'd like to hear them say, Look, he's moving!"
The executive was interviewing a young man from Lepe for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about his personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
The man from Lepe quickly responded, "The living one." (F)
from "CLEAN JOKES" - members.tripod.com
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